the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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