I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
