i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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