i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
