I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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