Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
