i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
