I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize