Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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