State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm both gender and math confused
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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