so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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