So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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