So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
