What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
