College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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