she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize