I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
