Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
