Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
