I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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