You made me cry and you don't even care
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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