Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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