I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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