hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize