Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
