I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
