people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
