I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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