Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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