Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
