i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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