Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
