I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
