Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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