people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
