We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
