FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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