is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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