I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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