I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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