Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found puke in my bra..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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