It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
