i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
