If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
