Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize