I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
