Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
