I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
