did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
