I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
