halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
