i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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