24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
