Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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