8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
