last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
