If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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