he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
