im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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