I feel like I'm in dance class right now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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