it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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