hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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