pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
