I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
