I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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