i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
