Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
