someone owes me an orgasm
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
