i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They took my balls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
